Avery Monsen Dot Comsen

My picks for day three & four:

1. Rizzo vs. Sam the Eagle: Sam the Eagle
2. Robin vs. Kermit: Kermit
3. Statler & Waldorf vs. Bunsen & Beaker: Bunsen & Beaker (BARELY)
4. Rowlf vs. Fozzie: Fozzie
5. Dr. Teeth vs. Scooter: Scooter
6. Pepe vs. Swedish Chef: Swedish Chef
7. Julius Strangepork vs. Piggy: Piggy
8. Animal vs. Gonzo: Gonzo

The only hard decision there was Bunsen/Beaker vs. Statler/Waldorf. I’m happy to debate that. Any other picks and we probably couldn’t be friends. Any other picks and I’d burn down your childhood home. WHY WOULD YOU EVER PICK PEPE THE KING PRAWN?! SORRY ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME.

Next round:

1. Sam the Eagle vs. Kermit: Kermit
   Tough call, because I think Sam’s probably funnier. Kermit’s got staying power, though. You wouldn’t want to get brunch and take a bike ride with Sam. He’d never let you try his hash browns.
2. Bunsen/Beaker vs. Fozzie: Fozzie
   Again, hard call. The Bunsen/Beaker relationship is both abusive and really touching, which are two of my favorite things for a relationship to be. (Interested, ladies?) Fozzie takes it, though. Holy cripes, have you seen this song! Especially 1:33, when he tilts his head and just slightly opens his mouth! That shit cuts deep, son.
3. Swedish Chef vs. Scooter: Swedish Chef
   Easy. The Swede’s hilarious. Also, his competition here isn’t particularly stiff. “Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Vereen!” Yeah, we get it. That’s your job. But how do you FEEL about your job? GIVE ME SOMETHING, SCOOT!
4. Piggy vs. Gonzo: Gonzo
   Weirdo vs. diva? Move along.

Next round:

1. Kermit vs. Fozzie: Fozzie
   Sorry, Frog. You made a great effort, and you should absolutely be proud of getting this far. Please pack your things and head back to the swamp or wherever.
2. Swedish Chef vs. Gonzo: Gonzo
   Chef, you lucked out with easy competition early on. You make-a me laugh, but I’m afraid you can’t hang with the big boys.

FINAL ROUND:

1. Fozzie vs. Gonzo: Fozzie
   I’ve switched my answer here 4 times, back and forth. They’re similar characters, really, both looking for others’ approval to fill a void within. Fozzie, with jokes; Gonzo, with stunts. Both fail every time. Gonzo’s got the added insecurity of identity confusion, though. Is he an alien? A weirdo? A whatever? That almost tips the scale, but I think Fozzy’s losses are greater than Gonzo’s. Gonzo crashes his motorcycle. Fozzie crashes his sense of humor. And yet he soldiers on! Fozzie, today is your day in the sun. Take a bow. You earned it, Bear.

What do you think?