Avery Monsen Dot Comsen

The short answer: Yes, Anonymous. I will absolutely go out with you.

The long answer: For reasons that I’d prefer not to get into here, I’d really like it if you’d remain anonymous. That’s just what I’m into. I don’t want to know your name or what you look like or where you grew up. (You’re already pushing it with that stuff about Vancouver and New York.) I don’t want to know if we share any interests or political views or if we are physically compatible. Again, I don’t want to get into the finer details of my proclivities here. Suffice it to say, I’ve fallen for you, Anonymous. I’ve fallen hard. I’m going to buy a ticket to Vancouver tonight, date the hell out of you for the next year or so, and, if things work out, make a fully anonymous life with you. Please don’t be freaked out; I’m not trying to rush you into anything. We can take it slow and see how things go. Just know that I’m in this for the long haul. I’d like to settle down with you and have some kids whose faces I will never see and whose names I will never know.

I know this all might sound strange. I guess I’m just a boy, standing before (what I can only assume is) a girl, asking her to put a paper bag on her head and talk through a voice modulator for the rest of her life. I don’t want to explain it. It’s just what I’m into. I’m so glad you wrote.