Just got the Catalan translation of AMFAD. Conxo!

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In 2008, Jory and I wrote a children’s book called Pirate’s Log. It was basically a bunch of pirate-themed creative writing prompts and activities. As kids completed each challenge, they progressed up through the ranks of an imaginary pirate ship. We thought it was fun.

One of the challenges was to write the lyrics to a pirate song. We told the kids if they got their parents to email us, we’d find a pirate band to record their song. Today, we got a message from a kid named Omani.

It’s really neat when a kid likes your book enough to do the activities and follow through. So I made this song tonight. Omani, I hope you like it.

Lyrics:

Down by the sea where the sea goose lives,
back to my ship I  dare not go,  
for if I do the captain will say,
“did you ever see a parrot eating a carrot?”,
down by the sea…

Down by sea where the sea goose lives,
back to my ship I dare not go,
for if I do the captain will say,
“did you ever see a whale with a polka-dot tail?”,
down by the sea…

Down by sea where the sea goose lives,
back to my ship I dare not go,
for if I do the captain will say,
“did you ever see a shark chewing on bark?”
down by the sea…

Down by the sea where the sea goose lives,
back to my ship I dare not go,
for if I do the captain will say,
“did you ever see a fish with a very big dish?’’
down by the sea…

Down by the sea where the sea goose lives,
back to my ship I dare not go,
for if I do the captain will say,
 “ did you ever see a bug using a mug?”
down by the sea…  

Advance copy of All My Friends Are Still Dead just arrived! USA! USA! USA!

Advance copy of All My Friends Are Still Dead just arrived! USA! USA! USA!

beigeucb:

Paths not taken.

Morkle Jorkson didn’t pan out. We’re Beige.

beigeucb:

Paths not taken.

Morkle Jorkson didn’t pan out. We’re Beige.

suckmydicknewyorker:

“Well, Ted, I crunched the numbers, and it looks like I want 100% of my dick to be sucked by you.”

Happy New Year, Tumblr.

Happy New Year, Tumblr.

Chronicle Books asked us to make a video for their sales team, to get them excited about our upcoming book, How To Be: A Through Z. WE DID A GREAT JOB!!!!

A few days ago, some guy on Tumblr asked me for an advance copy of All My Friends Are Still Dead because his girlfriend liked the first book so much. I couldn’t help him, because AMFASD is still being printed. So I sent him this video, which I thought was the next best thing. He hasn’t written back.

Somebody save me from myself.

Somebody save me from myself.